is mad at God.  Upset, but also lost.

I puzzle through what to say.  I know what to say, I just don’t know if you want to hear it.

What I would say is the same thing I have said for years, since the point in my life when He proved it to me.  I feel foolish admitting this but for a long time I selfishly guarded my right to autonomy. I thought God would take my security blanket, take my dreams.

Sure, I needed God for love, assurance, and gravity, but I was young and did not want His pesky rules about living to invade my personal space, my plans…

I am grateful He did not shrug his celestial shoulders (metaphorical, of course) and say suit yourself!

Lucky for me He let me muck about in my misery for awhile and then just like the prodigal son I got tired of misery.  I caved and told Him I would do what He wanted, listen, and go where He wanted me to go.  Then I hoped it was just a test.

The thing was; it wasn’t.  I went to China and in China I discovered what He already knew.  He was enough.  Being with Him was enough.  In fact it was life, and that more abundantly.

Jesus says He is the way, the truth and the life and I believe Him.  He makes me brave when I am not, holds my hand when life feels unlovely, and leads me on paths of righteousness for His namesake.

He is real.  Following Him is like giving your security blanket to your mom.  He’s gonna take care of it for you.

Oh, yeah, and if you don’t trust your mom…He’ll be both the security blanket and the Mom.

He is a very, very good Mom.  Always.

Matthew 5:4