When I told the kids what I was doing for April to raise awareness about the prevalence and danger of sexual assault, esp. child sexual assault, Saskia asked, are you going to write about me?

She is the reason I write, and not just because her innocence was viciously stolen by her adopted brother.  Not just because at five she was already a rape victim in her own home.  No.  I write about S. because she is the one who gave me the permission to do so.

We were driving down the road one night and listening to NPR.  A writer was discussing being raped as a child by a neighbor.  She descibed herself as a survivor of sexual abuse.  S. said, like me!  When she said this and the way she said it I realized that providing community, giving her the knowledge that she was not alone in her story would help her.  I also learned from S. that she would not suffer the same level of shame as many other victims if we chose to be open about the abuse and celebrate her bravery.

She is brave, very brave.

And she has already suffered terribly.  First it was the abuse, then it was the way people encouraged and provided support for her attacker while ignoring her.  Literally ignoring.  Then it was the loneliness.  Our life as a family has  been isolated by other people’s complete prejudice towards abuse victims.

Saskia is courageous and she is one precious reason to keep going even when I am exhausted and want to quit.  Especially when I am exhausted and want to quit.

I love you precious daughter.  I love you so much.

I wish I could give you back all that was stolen.