One of the ways C masked his enthusiasm for abusing his very little sisters was by acting like the opportunity to watch movies while I ran to the store was a major enticement to watch the kids.  I never left him alone with a child who could not tell on him, so I thought if he was mean or obnoxious they would let me know.  It did not occur to me that it was weird that he always took my calls to check on the kids and only after it was too late did I realize what a destructive con artist he is.

He liked the Passion of the Christ and I assumed that it was less for a spiritual uplift and more for the uncomfortable violence.  Still believe this.  The other Bible story he seemed to like for the incipient violence was the story of John the Baptist.  I figured and he verified that he was more drawn to beheadings than sermons.  Blech.

When I asked God about the relative dearth of direct confrontations about child sexual abuse my gaze was directed toward this story–

a forthright, outspoke prophet gets dragged to prison for confronting a grossly corrupt monarch who has stolen his brother’s wife and is living with her openly (incest)

said wife is angry at said prophet and convinces her young, adolescent? daughter to do a dance that is so suggestive that her stepfather promises her whatever she wants (yuck, and then yuck again)

she asks for the head of the prophet and gets it

This is a deeply, deeply troubling illegal, barbaric and pornographic story and Herod’s behavior and choices are wildlly out of bounds

Why?  John asks before his death and I think most survivors ask this too.  I know I did.  I asked God how I could have had a rich, detailed and amazing conversation with Him for thirty years and He did not tell me that my little ones were being abused in my own house and other places?  I felt like a fool that I had been deceived, but I know Go’sd had not.  Why so long?  Why so devastating?  I knew I needed answers not just for myself but for C’s victims.

The words that I have to respond to that grief are too many and nuanced for a blog.  But I see things, my children and husband see our lives in a defined before and after, just as I see the story of the murder of a man God loved differently now.  I see the great tragedy of a girl seduced into murdering the one man in the story who might have guarded her innocence and dignity. I believe Herod was a very bad man.  He came to a very bad end as well…