It was a swish dinner at a faith-based gathering. The professional, well-heeled white folk were chowing down on their deep-fried exotic game.

A pediatrician asked me why our family structure had changed. I was still hoping someone would do something, so I told her.

Stunned silence.

Afterward the doctor and her friend were surreptitiously imbibing when I apologized for casting a pall over dinner. They accepted my apology and chided me for my temerity. They gave me suggestions.

Memorable suggestions from a children’s doctor and a social worker–

Don’t talk about the victims

Decide what you want from people then soften your message to reach them.

Such well meaning criticism. But it still shocked me. Not because they did not care about my children’s safety.

Because they did not care about theirs.