In the early months of 2021 I formulated a plan based on the return of my life to me. I had almost died of Covid and had spent some time tethered to an oxygen machine.
I decided I should move slowly—literally. I felt like there was a sense of my own human fragility that had to be acknowledged—drive carefully, walk carefully, acknowledge the fog of your recovery.
Give some stuff away. I am a thrift store shopper and I tend to hold on to clothes. I went through several bags of clothes and was able to give them away with the acknowledgment that I had survived something and did not need that dress or that shirt in my new chapter.
Use the gift of a life given back for something. We took in our adopted granddaughters, whose lives have been pretty traumatic. I told myself—if I have been given more time, I need to use the time for brave things. That is not the easiest decision to make when your brave decision changes the lives of your entire family. But I can’t imagine my life without my granddaughters now.
I feel like we are all on the edge of change. Economies are brittle, wars are on horizons. Have we even really recovered from the trauma of a pandemic?
What would you do if today or tomorrow or Sunday was the last day of “normal?”
It is near the ending of an old argument—when bombs have dropped, do more solve the problem? Is there such a thing as holy fire? And can a man who thinks he is a god ever truly raise the white flag and
Surrender without conditions.
Isaiah 49:1-2 NIV
 Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the Lord called me; from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name.  He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver.
They pepper me with questions on the way to the office. When it is just the three of us we can lean into our survivors’ solidarity—
How do birds fly? What are shooting stars?
I want to say you are shooting stars, bright bits of light in night sky, not stars, but bits of iron and silicate broken from the mother rock
Contrails in the inky sky
I wanted to share this because it seems to bd pretty thorough—
The words spill out about a horror movie you showed them and I say excuse me girls I need to make a brief phone call
And walk to the phone booth at the end of the world—
Just a couple of Dixie cups and grubby yarn but a good enough connection for me to
I am so angry at you! How could you have picked monsters instead of little girls? How could you have let them see all those scary movies? The too-real monster men? The empty ache for an awake mama?
I am so pissed at you
No wonder they have been angry too
Few leaves stay behind strung to winter branches
Those that remain anchored by the unseen
Yet they still speak
Small brown ghosts
Over the weekend one of our neighbors spotted a wounded buck on the banks of the Lake Dunlap portion of the Guadalupe.
He had wounds on his back leg and he was not able to walk.
The police were called and an officer assured us they would contact the owner of the property and “take care of” the deer.
In the end they dragged the deer’s carcass into the river 10-15 feet from the riverbank where he was last seen alive.