Let our voices soar

Lately I have gone on a couple wild tears. The first was polite enough–peppering officials at a local university with questions about how they plan to keep the community safe with in-person classes as local hospitals stay overwhelmed?

In one email I hastily typed out “soar” for sore. As in sore throat/soar like an eagle. I admit it looked “off” to me, but danged if I was gonna slow down for editing!

And again today, when I was questioning a pharmacist about why she would happily fill prescriptions for abortifacients to end lives but not ivermectin to potentially save them.

The chemicals and pharmaceutical names in death-inducing agents like RU-486 are pronounceable if you really focus, but I find it difficult to focus on them, difficult to write or say them.

I spelled them out for her, aware of her disdain. I can live with that, quite easily really, as long as I have done what I can to try

To squeak out some protest, any protest which might make it hard for her or anyone

To kill instead of heal.

First, Do No Harm

I live in New Braunfels, Texas and I routinely call pharmacies about a variety of drugs, including ivermectin.

Pharmacists at one of the local CVS pharmacies and two local Walgreens have refused to fill prescriptions for ivermectin for combatting active Covid infections. They say that it is not approved by the FDA. One pharmacist told me they won’t even stock it.

By contrast, these pharmacies reported that they do stock and sell drugs which end pregnancies-abortifacients.

So, it could be said that here in New Braunfels, it is easier to convince some pharmacists to help end your pregnancy than it is to save your own life.

What Angels Do

Daniel 10:12-14 KJV

[12] Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. [13] But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia. [14] Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision is for many days.

We have so misunderstood and utterly misrepresented

What angels do

Who they are

Or how they might appear

(While surely they might be anyone–

Women, children, the dispossessed)

They stand their ground

Fight for us

Maybe when it would seem

We are otherwise entirely

Abandoned

Restraint

What if there was no other choice? Or if the pain were even more protracted than this? This, after all, is mild

The woman in the windowless room notes there are no children in the pictures from the Kabul airport–where are all the children?

And in my attempt to swim off my fear and grief and anger, the lightning storm descends

So close to water, no rain

(Part 2)

Matthew 25:35-39 KJV

[35] For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: [36] Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. [37] Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee ? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? [38] When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee ? [39] Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

When Charles went to juvenile detention for a plea bargained mitigation of a monstrous charge, he received support, letters, cards, an outpouring of support.

I attributed this odd behavior from “good people” (rewarding a child abuser) thus–

  • They did not trust our report?
  • They did not full understand the devastation of his felonies
  • Or Matthew 25 oh, somebody in prison? I better get in on that reward!

Could have been something else, but whatever the motivations, his victims often did not get the same level of support he did. The people who comforted Charles did not comfort his victims.

Only two people outside our family confronted him on his sins.

To this day he does not acknowledge

What he did was wrong

There are lots of hard parts within the gaps between what the

Lord and the Righteous see

Test of the “I Was”-es (Part 1)

Matthew 25:35-39 KJV

[35] For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: [36] Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. [37] Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee ? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? [38] When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee ? [39] Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

The test of the I-was-es:

Seeing Jesus in all our weakness and need

Straw Dogs

I make my hurt into an effigy of anger

Bales of straw grasped in each fist then stuffed into professorial trappings

Backward cap, impeccable credentials, but like other straw men

Lacking a heart

He sets up a contest just to kill the time

As though time were all we had

As though killing were something you could do with laughter as the

world falls into shadows

The Exercise of Faith

Recently I told this story to a friend facing loss–

It was a beautiful, uncharacteristically sunny day in Beaver, PA. There was a cop car parked a block from us, I suspected they suspected I might run to Canada with you. You had a cute Sesame Street ensemble on, replete with orange coat. Our church friends were there to help us through.

Your dad wept. He is not usually a crier. I did not. I did not believe at that time that you were going to be away more than a long weekend.

I knew God was gonna bring you back.

The pain that followed was truly unspeakable. I questioned my faith. How could I have been so sure that I would get you back?

I asked God

And He said

“You were not wrong to believe you would get her back, it was just your timeline was off a bit.”

I know you will always be God’s baby girl, because you have always been mine💗

We are the catchers in the rye

Matthew 13:38-39 KJV

[38] The field is the world; the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked one ; [39] The enemy that sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the world; and the reapers are the angels.

When I was younger I would read Catcher in the Rye on a yearly basis. First I was Phoebe’s age, then Holden’s and now I am old enough to know that the narrator sounds too much like a middle aged man with a Peter Pan complex.

But the catchers in the rye are older than me and J.D.

They are the injunction of a God who saves us all from the precipice hill of Golgotha. He tells me I owe him all and I agree. He tells me, come with me into the fields

And I go

I try to go

Tragedies and statistics

Eric Maria Remarque is often robbed of the proper attribution for the one-man’s-death quote.

One person’s death is a tragedy

In the same way that one star appears to blink, tiny in the vast night sky

But with both stars and humans,

individuals and myriads matter

Leaving slashing black holes when they have left us