A few days ago I received an email from a family member–normal right?
I could tell this person’s email account had been hijacked because s/he and I do not have a family relationship anymore. S/he joined the ranks of friends and family who were so chagrined by me that the relationship could not be repaired.
Close relations of crime victims often inflict terrible secondary wounds.
They are ashamed of me and my story and to preserve their “normal” life they do really wretched things.
Friends can be equally painful. They stop being friends, shrinking quietly into the shadows, not calling, not inviting our family to events. That familiar blanched look of fear…silence…gone….
I had a friend who was a sister to me. Unlike many she stuck with me through the shock, grief, and early period of survival, but she deeply disapproved of my public efforts to draw attention to what happened to us. Too public…to noisy…
She is gone. It hurts.
The list gets longer and more erratic after that–people who make their money from shepherding other people–gone or worse–cruel.
You start to rethink people. The world seems increasingly lonely.
Yesterday the Christian Post asked if it’s readers experienced loneliness. A bunch vehemently denied it–
Never! I have God! Ditto!!! Double that!
But of course I have to be the lone dissenter. I said,
Jesus experienced loneliness, why shouldn’t I?
That is my motto and I am sticking to it. But I won’t lie to you–I wish I had kept my mouth shut for my children.
They had a shot at “normal,” if it weren’t for my big mouth.
The truth will set us free…no one said it would make us look normal.
Normal is the lie.
For all of us…not just mouthy me.
E–there are many? or at least a few notables? who speak out child about sexual abuse? I wish your children and you didn’t feel lonely. Why don’t you come for a visit?
Will consider the trip :). I am a weenie about long trips with young’ins. You and Meg may both think I am nuts but you are my heroes for sticking around