a few years ago i talked to a caseworker about adopting again. i was pregnant with our 6th child and she dismissed my question politely–nope, too many kids. then-all-hell-broke-loose. what was i thinking adopting the first time, right? i will never “get over” what happened to us all, especially the children. still..i read about this lady in Kenya who takes care of 52 kids..crazy, right?
Mel is in the pool amusing herself by humming the shark soundtrack from Jaws. She stops abruptly and shivers in the water. Ooh, she says, I was scaring myself…
I have not let her watch Jaws; just told her about the good parts. She says that sometimes she will be playing a game of ripstick tag at the park and humming Jaws then she will say to herself, we’re gonna need a bigger ripstick.
These stories clearly illustrate that she is the one who should be blogging.
I have a picture in my head of me or my more attractive avatar standing at the edge of a chasm, shouting into it. I don’t think anyone is listening. It gives me a freedom to say what I want–after all I am just shouting into the abyss, right?
Still if someone were to listen, I would be afraid to thank the precious handful of people who have held our hands through the terribleness of our story. I know so many people have more devastating stories, but ours is riven with a shame that makes people (justifiably) uncomfortable.
But I don’t think Lindsey would mind if I said thank you. I should say it about a thousand times to get the point across. Thank you not just for friendship, but for listening. Thank you for the letter that you and H. wrote. Thank you for being there.
And while I am shouting into the abyss I would like to point out that you are so beautiful with children. You hear them, your own and others. It is precious to watch you do it, and you are a great gift to me.
so thank you,
i shout
from the edge of the chasm
I found an adoption website with blogs about kids with RAD. First I was gratetful to not feel so alone, then I thought–where have you been all my life?
Also, after multiple rejections Yahoo! Voices published a poem I wrote! I am amazed.
Please consider contacting your favorite chocolate company to pressure them to enact fair trade standards in the cocoa industry. Google “chocolate farm” and you will find articles about widespread abuse of children in west Africa.
This is a point of particular weakness for me as I wrestle with my relationship with chocolate daily. I don’t think the answer is simply avoiding chocolate (although it would be beneficial to my waistline if I could…) but in voicing our concern as consumers.
No perfect solutions, I know, but I am heartbroken by the idea that hundreds of thousands of young boys live in hellish conditions because of the way chocolate is grown, harvested, and produced.
Got any ideas?
I strongly dislike the advertisements and intent of ABC’s show, GCB. I dislike the promos so much I cannot imagine watching the actual show. I looked for signs of protest and found only one—One Million Moms. I am grateful they object to this show and its portrayal of so-called christian women (be they one b-word or another) and if you have a problem with this show I would encourage you to either email ABC or contact OMM to voice your objections about this show.
I have PLENTY of criticisms about the way organized religion, the practice of Christianity, ordinary christians, etc, but I do not see much in this show that suggests it reflects reality or that it would be tolerated if it were about another group of believers of another religion.
The house is quiet. I can hear the wind outside but inside it is warm, almost safe. My house would feel safer if the world was safer. If police officers were brave. If money were no object; instead: justice.
I can see Him look at me when I begin to whine internally.
His expression is wry when He has every right to be fierce
you know this belongs to Me, He says
I know.
I know it is His because of the pain
the plunge into darkness
swallowing the abyss whole
He returns to us
if this were a poem
instead of survival
i would call it
“unfair”
i have a picture in my head of a chicken in a glass box at a boardwalk concession. it has been trained to peck buttons.
i am fascinated by the embedded meaning in the buttons i use–
search
remember me
cancel
refresh
i don’t want to lose sight of their embedded meaning
they are each doors to something big or small, eternal or temporal
what each of us does with time
my husband says i talk too much. he is right, but all my other choices are addicting. i like the comic b-movie image of a scruffy cowboy bit by a snake. the other fella helps him out by cutting clean into the wound and swiftly sucking out the venom. he spits and grimaces, spits and grimaces. tragedy averted!
but not real life…
in read life the poison kills or spreads pain; you may or may not have the antidote.
now apply that metaphor to the grief my children feel about the way their brother stole their childhood.
words are not enough
Many of the traditional Christian catechisms define people as being totally depraved. It is archaic for us–we are used to seeing people through the rose-colored glasses of publicity and media packaging.
I remember seeing a famous person on tv telling an interviewer that she was a wonderful mother (or something like that).
I had a vociferous critic of my parenting so I thought about what the woman was saying. Even without my mother’s voice in my head I knew the catechisms–I am not great, good or wonderful. I am broken. My whole life is broken. The only way it works at all is when I let God in to the broken spaces. He is the antidote to my sin, fear and selfishness.
Jesus was utterly forsaken so I would never have to be.
I used to think that His story could have been more humane–we politely give Him our gratitude and stand by broken by His death on the cross.
Now I realize that the horror of every lonely place and abuse in His story is the way He walks through and bears the trial and death I have earned.
And in return He gives me my life back.
I give Him death, He returns my life to me.
For the first time whole.
Carrying Light 