Returning to the place of grief

After it became clear that the state of Texas was not going to provide adequate consequences for the assailant or adequate protections for the victims, I did three things—

I wrote a book so there would be a record of what had happened to us.

I asked to move and tried to expect less of law enforcement (a person cannot change who they are without losses).

I became involved in extreme sports. I became an adrenaline junkie.

Facing my fear and pouring myself into physical challenges with the risk of pain helped me to ease the grief, anger, and helplessness of what had happened to people I loved.

Like all addiction, this was not a long term solution, but it did help me.

Routinely facing fear of physical harm helped me to be more courageous when there was only the fear of human ostracism.

I still seek the adrenaline rush and lately it has been through swimming in challenging conditions.

Best friend, period.

When God started to tell me to help my husband start a small clinic in the middle of the pandemic, I argued with Him.

I loved being a stay-at-home mom.

I loved being with my kids all the time.

But in the end, God won out and what a blessing!

More on that in bits and pieces, but for now—if Jesus is telling you to do something hard and out of your comfort zone, listen to Him.

He is the best friend a girl can have

He is the best friend, period.

Last Breath

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/mar/04/bottom-north-sea-running-out-air-no-hope-rescue

Dearest,

I stumbled onto the documentary version of this story last night and counted myself blessed that I could watch a YouTube clip about the story with the crucial information that he survived.

Many dive stories do not have such relief-washed denouements.

It is hard to see just “lucky” when Lemons’ story seems to be awash with signs of miraculous interventions.

He did not get shredded by the manifold.

He was able to locate the manifold in profound darkness.

His body was moving in ways that signaled to others that he was still alive when he was already unconscious.

He was revived with two rescue breaths.

He sustained no brain damage.

He is, whatever else you might say, a full medical miracle.

Yet this story hinges on many miracles—the men on the boat, manual overrides, training in a crisis, the efficacy of the ROV, the race against time.

You want, we all need, someone who keeps searching for us when hope seems lost.

Mark 5:38-43 KJV
[38] And he cometh to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and seeth the tumult, and them that wept and wailed greatly. [39] And when he was come in, he saith unto them, Why make ye this ado, and weep? the damsel is not dead, but sleepeth. [40] And they laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he taketh the father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying. [41] And he took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha cumi; which is, being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise. [42] And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment. [43] And he charged them straitly that no man should know it; and commanded that something should be given her to eat.

I was tempted to ask her

Is this for a party? Or a group home?

Exactly the things they presume about me

Soda, a bottle of bleach, lots of toilet paper, a tray of 36 eggs, I wondered idly if they were made more dear because of the cull?

Why do you have to kill them?

Would none of them survive?

We are all humans

Standing in line

The beautiful woman in suspenders sings to us all

After she really did go the extra mile

I construct a tee shirt in my head with all the defamatory words spoken about me by strangers

Wear them like badges, girl

Your shelter was a Man

On a Cross

You look for Him everywhere but it is not enough

Give me that Living Water, Sir!

What lies beneath

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20250221-eight-portraits-found-hidden-inside-masterpieces

The one that haunts me the most Is the picture of Jesus, bound and dying, standing next to a corpulent Pilate, covering the upside down figure of an ordinary man.

A painter’s recycled canvas delineates the only viable story of salvation in human history.

Jesus’ sacrifice is painted over our ordinary, flawed, upside down lives.

His perfect life and horrifying death covers us.

Forever.