Author Archives: Elea Lee

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About Elea Lee

Foster parent, adopting parent, family advocate, educator, homeschool parent

Who would Jesus defend?

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Over the last few years my belief that pedophiles were at or near the lowest rung of human society has been challenged.

The truth is pedophiles get a lot of consideration, even deference from most of us.

We look away and pretend they are not predators. Shame on us.

No. The true bottom rung of human society is firmly occupied by children.

Because they are young, small, defenseless, and cannot vote children are not given the same consideration as adults–including the ones who have hurt them.

When I think of these stories of children being exploited, marginalized or abused, I think about Jesus.

Jesus, unlike many who profess his name, actually did protect children. He speaks unequivocally about the need to protect children and the grim consequences of not doing so.

Matthew 18 is the primer on this, but this is good as well–

Matthew 25:40,45 (NIV)
“The King will reply, `I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ [45] “He will reply, `I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

Our acts of compassion matter.

Believe it or not this comforts me. I made a lot of costly decisions for some small people once. It hurts to know how costly and how unrequited these decisions were.

Jesus reminds me that the good, the bad, and the ugly in my life is his. I stand behind his love. He paid the price…for all God’s children.

RAD parenting–no hugs, no learning

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Recently I have wanted to find a book, a blog, a map for what happens to reactive attachment kids when they grow up. I haven’t found it yet and it’s absence in my life has been a reason to keep writing.

No two human beings respond to the same life trauma in the same way. One dude with a lonely, difficult childhood invents physics, another robs banks.

Same with RAD kids. Everyone gets a chance to write the story of their own lives. “My” RAD charges are not writing great stories.

In addition to a tendency to lie rather flagrantly and manipulate people without shame, the RAD adults I know are bullies, using the force of emotion and accusation to intimidate.

I worry about the children in their care.

Children whose babyhood and childhood begin to mirror the lives of their mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts–young people who have not come to terms with their own childhoods and the toxic wounds created by the absence of love.

I could have been Hannah Anderson

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A physician friend recounted this story to me recently:

I was watching a news report about the Anderson story and there were several other doctors there. The anchor woman posed the idea that DiMaggio had romantic intentions toward Hannah Anderson.

The others in the room scoffed at this as though the woman had said that the people were aliens.

My friend was surprised. Knowing my family’s story may have skewed his perspective. I know it has skewed mine.

I think we do not face these stories well. Good people, even highly analytical people like these doctors, are uncomfortable admitting to themselves that an adult could cultivate a relationship with a family in order to pursue a child.

I have experienced this phenomena myself. Once I was the young woman Hannah’s age with an adult male who made me uncomfortable.

I was saved not by my parents but by a good friend who warned my parents that this man–a coach, was targeting me for sex.

Ugh.

My friend saved me just by speaking up. Warning me was enough.

Who could have saved the Anderson family?

It should not take a manhunt and homicide to get us out of our cocoons to talk about the predators who target children.

Eric Eoin Marques and the face of evil

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There is a personal story I have written about privately but never published. A man I knew well once confided in me that he fantasized about the torture and rape of children. I tried to raise an alarm about his dangerous thinking and Internet searches.

As far as I know it did no good. He made a joke out of my concerns and continued to be allowed access to children at his church.

Frustrating.

My primary conflict with him came down to a showdown in my dining room years ago. I put a piece of blank paper in front of him and demanded that he write down the names of the dark and destructive sites he trolled online.

He refused and accused me of being unchristian–not like Jesus.

I thought about him yesterday when I wrote Jesus whipped men for less, because that is what I told him that night–

Oh yeah? Jesus raised havoc to clean the temple of people who were using it to defraud and cheat. How much more would his anger burn towards anyone who hurts a child?

The only–only result of my conflict with that man was more broken relationships and some really memorable character assassination of anyone who questioned this man’s access to children.

The church in question “remedied” the situation by sending him to a family camp.

I digress. I know.

I am writing this now because I want to say two things–

Let us all take note of what Jesus said–

there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed

And

Men may ignore the prayers for the relief of children for years, but God hears and answers. Justice is coming for Eric Eoin Marques and every last person who aided or watched or stood by and did nothing in the face of monstrous evil.

I pray for justice for the innocent. I pray for their healing.

And I thank God today for the FBI, Anonymous, and anyone who wrote code to reveal unthinkable evil.

Amos 5:24

Reading Comprehension

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Sometimes things I write will stick in my mind. Today it was Jesus whipped men for less.

I wrote it and then I really thought about the implications.

Jesus whipped people. And not only was it not sin, it was holiness.

Why did he whip them? They were using the name and worship of God to lie and defraud people. The worst sins are often cloaked in the church. We lie, cheat, and steal in the house of God.

But He does not forget.

We cannot see Jesus as he really is unless we can see all of him –suffering and beaten on the Cross, angered and righteous in the temple.

Our God is a man, but no ordinary man. And just as most of us have not experienced enough of his love, his tenderness, his mercy, none of us has really experienced the full challenge of his holiness.

One day
One day it is coming.
The clean fire of love.

Bread for stones

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Jesus gives a powerful analogy for the love of God.

He said that human parents are evil but they still give their children good things. Fish instead of snakes. Bread not stones to eat. He then completes the thought–if we are so messed up but we still do right by our kids. How much more does God bless, love, and nurture?

Great, unless your parent doesn’t do those things.

What if your mother gives you a snake? What if your father gives you stones for bread? What then?

God is enough. He allows His precious children to be raised by wolves, but He sends a Lamb to save us.

Stones always remind me of Jesus. I think about the weight of small stones and imagine the size, weight, and impossibility of the stone in front of the tombs.

God gave his own most beloved son a stone. And that Son emerged alive. The Bread of Life.

Stones for bread.
Bread for stones.
Always Jesus.

The Spanish Pedophile, Daniel Galvan

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It needs to be said–crimes against children are regrettably common worldwide. Most go unreported.

The story causing justifiable outrage in Morocco right now is worth examining.

A sixty year old European pedophile is convicted of raping 11 children and then pardoned by the Moroccan king.

Bad.

But even worse is the subtext: pedophiles from first world countries travel to poorer countries to prey on children who have few legal or economic protections.

We send our predators abroad. They go abroad knowing that their victims will have no chance.

And if by some chance they get caught after violating the lives of young kids?

Pardon them?
Send them home?
Pretend you were not told their crimes?

God does not forget. We will all be held to an account for the crimes against children that did not evoke outrage.

Jesus whipped men for less.
We turn away.

Baby Veronica

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I feel like being snarky about SCOTUS not hearing the baby Veronica case and not intervening to prevent thousands of prisoners’ premature release from prisons in California.

But mostly I have to acknowledge the heartbreaking truth–children are treated like chattel and our system does not care enough to protect them.

I know this because I too lost my baby Veronica. Hurts. Hurts the children.

Victim’s Impact Statement

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In the winter of 2009 I wrote out victim’s impact statements for my children.

Pages never read, found or included in the record.

I flinch every time the weight of these statements is mentioned in other cases.

What happened to ours and why?

So I decided to write them again:

Short Form

Victim’s Impact Statement

no words.

Long Form

Victim’s Impact Statement

Look me in the eye
And tell me
Why my grief is so insubstantial to you
Oh judge
Just bits of paper in the wind

Gone
Just missing…
All our intimate
words for sorrow and loss