how long….

Mel wrote a story about punctuation.  It was wonderful.  I have been an English teacher for years, but it took me to this middle distance to admire and love the power of punctuation.

The same with the ability to conjure up answers from the internet.  I was going to type in a question that began with “how long” but the search engine ran just that–how long?

what came up was interesting; variegated. a window into what humans wait for.

what are you waiting for?

i am waiting for

God

justice

sanctuary

home

psalm 40

It is safe to say that I am grateful for my blog readers.  ALL 3 OF YOU!

So you may appreciate this story. 

I count on the fact that I am not being read or observed, so i was surprised to find two likes on a typically dark post.  I investigated two unknown but genteel fellow bloggers.  Why would they like my dark and depressing little blog?

I checked out one of the blogs and discovered that my liker also liked a lot of other bloggers and they were all as happy about the mutual liking as I was.  Only I imagine none of the others were writing about barely clinging to their sanity as they tilted the windmills of public inertia over child abuse.

Hm.  So here’s my theory.  I think some people have found a brililiant strategy to find more cyber readers.  Tell them you like them!!

I want all three of you to know that I don’t just like you:

I love you.  I really love you.

And yes, Sally, we did really like you…

One of the things that really seems strange to me is the things Sea has learned “in the system.”

He complains a lot.  Gets irrationally angry.  Leaves out chunks of his story.  For most people the part he will leave out most consistently is the part about his devastating behavior, his abuse of children.

He tells me a story about anger based on entitlement–what he deserves.  When he lived with us this was most often expressed as “not fair.”  I don’t believe in fair, but I do believe in justice.

He seems to have a warped perspective about everything and I marvel at the darkness of his heart.

Then I remember the woman who was sick for 18 years, the man who was lame for 38, the dead man called forth, the power of the Cross.

I pray for a miracle for my son.

I used to tell people that the loneliness associated with our story made me want to go to AA meetings.  I would go and announce that I did not have a drinking problem (food is my big issue) but I just wanted to sit in a room full of people who did not flinch at tough stories.

I once looked up support groups for the families of sex offenders.  I did not like what I read.  The tone of the one I found suggested that the group was more interested in abuser advocacy and facilitation than I am.

I do not want to facilitate Sea.  He is guilty and he needs to change. 

I want to hold him accountable for what he has done

I want to tell him the truth and challenge his thinking

I want to prevent any more victims.

I do not believe he can or will police himself, nor do I believe he can ever be alone with a child

ever.

if you have done your best to protect your kids from abuse and one day find you have failed:

do listen carefully to your children

spend a lot of time listening

listen kindly and objectively (even if you are justifiably shocked and horrified by their stories, try to be calm while you gather information, emote later)

try to talk about their experiences while playing a simple card game, walking, or engaging in some other relationship building experience

if you do want to talk about the abuse directly, limit your time of enquiry to no more than 3 minutes

if you think your child has been abused, understand the abuser has deceived you and your child, may have threatened your child, and that your child may feel confusion, shame, and guilt about the abuse

unconditionally support your child

report abuse

get a good counselor

shield your child from the abuser

do not expect your child to live with or have any contact with the abuser

shield your child from people who are not supportive

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TELL THE TRUTH

this is just the beginning

when i blog caps-free i am holding/nursing the baby

not being e.e. lee

i.e. clever

this is assymetrical blogging, both literally and figuratively