Category Archives: abuse victim

where the bleep is Ronan Farrow when you need him?

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My little one wanted to go to the beach.  His cuteness trumped democracy and we went to the beach instead of the park.

While there we witnessed a bullying incident I would classify as both assault and child abuse.  A group of older children were repeatedly dragging a little boy through the water and pushing his head down under the waves.  He was crying.

When I realized what was going on I yelled for them to stop and asked the people on the shore who was responsible for the teens?  An older woman announced that she was and that the little boy was being justly punished for throwing sand into a teenage girl’s eyes.

I was appalled and shaken.  In any other place I would have immediately called 911.  Here, I am convinced they will not respond.  I took my kids to our van and continued to eye the situation with the abusive family. I filmed the woman briefly and attracted her threats and fury.  I did report the incident to the police but am unconvinced I did enough.  I should have begun filming immediately and called 911 immediately.  I think now that I should have waded into the water to physically intervene and asked the boy directly if he needed physical shelter.  I should have stayed with him and insisted on intervention.

It was not enough.  And now I will be forever haunted by a little boy, helpless among his own.

note-this had another name in the title, I changed it to a guy I do actually think is pretty heroic

Meet Mrs. Whiskers

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By the time M was two she had a fully realized world of people she had created. They were and are vibrant characters.  This past year she wrote a story peopled by punctuation marks.  Also quite interesting.

I say this because she is a beautiful survivor.  She was being abused by Charles when she created her first kingdom.  These people we still love.

But she is haunted as well  knowing that Charles continued to abuse her little sister for a long time after she asked him to stop abusing her.  She assumed he would not abuse her little sister.  She was seven.

I am haunted by the abuse as well. There is a wall in my life that signifies S’s solitary hurt.  One night this week I wrote on it, first a memorial, then a Bible verse, then a picture of a cross.  Then I got an idea.  I realized that my children’s vividness overcomes evil.  Jesus brings new life.  So I painted a chalkboard over my grief wall.

First we wrote each other love notes.  Then M drew Mr. and Mrs. Whiskers.  They are English cousins of Harvey and we love their accents.

When she tells me about the Whiskers, I just hug her really tight.  It is grace to see an ordinary resurrection of something as pedestrian as a wall.

Grace.

Toryn Buckman

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I became a foster parent because of stories like Toryn’s.  I quit foster parenting when I realized that the state of X was not in the business of rescuing the Toryns of the world.

I am not going to tell you what happened to her.  Google her.  I want you to read at least three articles about what happened to this precious little girl.  Then I want you to think about several things.

What is justice for Toryn?

Where does evil like this come from?

Where does it end?

Can we afford to wince and look away?

Are you sorry you read about her?  Was it a downer?  Would you rather have watched a juicy episode of Game of Thrones?  (Please don’t, by the way..)

Please understand me.  It is always easier to expect someone else to take care of the Toryn’s of the world, but it is impossible to believe no one suspected anything was wrong in the life of a child who was beaten to death over the course of at least six months.  What we do know is that no one saved her.

Let me repeat that again.

No one saved her.

 

As a christian I am as appalled by this story as most “normal” people–whatever their creed or belief.  But I have some answers for these questions, hard, difficult, stay up and pray and fast answers, but answers nonetheless.

My answers start with Matthew 18 and end with a River and a Tree for the healing of the nations.

And in the middle is a Man dying on the Cross of history, the rictus of pain for a little girl named Toryn and all of us.

Scarred Savior.  Scapegoat God.

Corey Haim

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Who, my age, did not want to be in movies like Goonies or ET?  There was a group of child actors who appeared in movies like these who elicited at least a mild level of envy.  These movies looked like fun to be in!

But something was wrong somewhere.  A number of child actors from my generation have spoken out about sexual abuse in tandem with their acting career.

Corey Feldman has spoken out about his belief that his friend’s life was marred by sexual abuse and that it is a problem in Hollywood.

My heart goes out to Corey Haim and the way a predator’s actions may have ultimately contributed to years of pain and a premature death.

Victims have the right to speak out, pursue legal action, warn others, and get help.  They need to know they are not alone.

I like to use abuse survivor as much as possible, but I think that in this case, Corey Haim was a victim.  His story is a tragedy.