Category Archives: child advocacy

Irreplaceable

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My child is tired. It is past his bedtime and nothing will make him happy except quiet and nourishment. We are at a dinner party so he has to navigate the long hardwood road from the play room to his car seat.

Not happy.

I am a veteran mom by now so I know my job is just to get him from point A to 3-point car seat without him hurting himself.

I pick him up, support his head and watch out for sharp corners. The car seat is a tussle, but again I stay calm and focus on his safety.

I know he is tired and stressed. He will feel better. His bad mood doesn’t inspire anger or annoyance–it is just bedtime.

But this series of events haunts me because every day in America parents of young children get angry and hurt their little ones.

I want it to stop. It hurts.

The best I can do is repeat good rules:

Remember that little people have little control over their lives.

Love them.

And when their fatigue, hunger, fear, or discomfort makes them fussy, keep up the love.

Keep them safe.
Don’t hurt them.
Get them rest.
Get you rest.
Tomorrow their sunny little smiles will light up your world.

So keep them safe. They are irreplaceable.

Stormaphobe

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Mark 6:50-54,56 (NIV)
because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” [51] Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, [52] for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened. [53] When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret and anchored there. [54] As soon as they got out of the boat, people recognized Jesus. [56] And wherever he went—into villages, towns or countryside—they placed the sick in the marketplaces. They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched it were healed.

I have to get out of this chapter.

But I haven’t yet because I need the reminders-

Sometimes God does send us into deadly storms
But he never abandons us
He walks through them, abides with us, then commands the storms to cease
Because he is God.

The people Mark describes in this story have an almost comic energy–they run en masse to and around Jesus. Like a school of fish or a herd of sheep…only in this case their lack of dignity and frenetic searching make perfect sense. Jesus means God saves.

They run to an offer they would be silly to refuse.

And ultimately I am with them– no dignity left, desperate and silly, running to the God who saves.

Chapter 6.

Children are resilient?

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One of the ridiculous, perhaps even criminal notions repeated by adults is

children are resilient.

Really? Then why are adults so screwed up?!

The invocation of CAR (children are resilient) is really just a way to push off the truth–any victim of crime needs a lot of help. In fact we need:

Consistent and patient counselors and supporters

A structured sense of personal value

A sense of personal safety

Help with bad dreams and worse memories

Years to ask the question why?

Safe community

Knowledge and truth–especially the reassurance that being a victim is not our fault.

Someone to fight for us.

Prayer. Lots of prayer.

I think with this list most of us can be resilient. Without these supports–the wounds deepen and the road is lonely and painful indeed.

Don’t make the myth of CAR an excuse for neglecting the quiet pain of the wounded–we all need to know we are not alone.

We all need a Defender.

Lights Out

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Make no mistake. In the heart of the God of love, a stadium in the dark matters less than a child found strangled and bare in a park.

The child is a girl. The girl is thirteen. A foster child. Nameless. A mere silhouette.

Lost child.

So when you remember this amazing, expensive game we all stand still for.

Remember the dark.

Not a failure of technology; a failure of heart.

God in the dark.
Grieving

Moving Mountains

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Dear Sir,

You are my dad’s age. He died after a helicopter crash a few years ago. Actually, around the time little Ethan was born. And pretty close to Newton–he died in Dothan.

You need to know that God has an answer to what is troubling you. A peaceful answer.

I am praying for both of you.

Please, Sir, let this little boy get home safe. His mama needs him back safe.

When I pray for you I see my dad. You traveled in a truck. He traveled in a helicopter. He flew over Dale County all the time.

Both you and Ethan are scared little ones to God. He loves you. And you are both precious to God. You are both in my prayers.

Please sir, move this mountain so Ethan can hug his mama soon.

Please.

Elizabeth the 1st and Sally Hemmings

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Sometimes we must revise the focus of history. Sometimes we accept as fact things we should revile as facts:

Both of these famous women were rape victimsby modern FBI definition.

Both women were molested by older men who had all power over them.

If we are to heal the breaches of our own abuse stories, we must take away the power of their rapists, and give these women a new designation–

brave survivors

Sex and the Super Bowl

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So the Super Bowl is a magnet for sexual slavery and child abuse. What can you do about it?

1. Pray. God honors our prayers.

2. Contact the NFL. Tell them you are going to skip the commercials.

3. Contact the sponsors Let them know that you plan to watch the game but boycott their increasingly violent, sexualized ads.

4. Tell your friends. I did not even realize this was an issue until a friend posted it on a social media site.

5. Contact the teams directly. Tell them you are concerned about forced sexual slavery in New Orleans surrounding the Superbowl.

6. Contact the NOPD Ask what they plan to do to fight sex trafficking during this event.

With the exception of prayer (free and universal), most of this personal activism can be made through online email forms or social media.

Just imagine what it would look like if we all raised our concerns on Facebook or Twitter to say let’s stop the abuse of children and the vulnerable this year at the Super Bowl.

There is an awful lot of money at stake. But one child saved is worth every penny.

And please….spread the word.

Midland Standoff

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Right now around Midland, AL families are shaken, two are in shock, one praying for their stolen child, the other mourning a hero.

My heart and prayers go out to these families, knowing one clings to hope, the other has lost a loved one.

I don’t know anything about Mr. Poland but I know he was brave. I thank God for him and all the others who stand to protect little ones…when it costs everything.

To Mr. Dykes I would say, please, let the boy go home safe and now.

Nurture parenting

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The agency told us they had been severely neglected, possibly abused, definitely exposed to awful stuff.

They were sent to us after a disrupted placement–their foster mother had had enough.

The sole piece of advice they gave us: be consistent, don’t give in to bad behavior.

Not bad advice, but not nearly enough. I am not sure that RAD and fetal alcohol issues are fixable….but if they can be mitigated then caregivers need to nurture.

I am an elementary school teacher– a nurturing type, so I know I tried. The children often did not respond to cuddling, hugs, or carrying the way other children do.

I spent hours carrying them on hikes and I have a rich store of memories of being hit, kicked, punched, and verbally assaulted for no other provocation than carrying them. Most young children have the sense to know that a good, patient Sherpa mama is worth something.

Not these two. A simple hug was never simple.

I think the explanation is that neglected children have a fight or flight instinct that kicks in when it shouldn’t.

Babies need a lot of love, a lot of cuddle time. Without that their brains get messed up–the coldness and hostility of a nurture-deprived babyhood translates to a lot of sturm and drang.

We gotta do better for these wounded souls. But my experience was brutal…

Wish I could have hugged them more.

Mary Elizabeth Williams and the politics of death

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I read MEW’s screed about abortion today. It was a difficult read.

As a self-identified pro-life “wing nut” who actually believes that all life is precious, I found her unapologetic stance painful and tragic.

Ms. William’s candor and vitriol were difficult for me to read….because she reveals the selfishness and myopia at the heart of the abortion-on-demand movement. Make no mistake, abortion is a money industry, just like guns or drugs. But to aggressively insist that mother’s have an unfettered right to kill their own offspring at will? Her words reveal the desperate lack of value placed on the lives of the very young.

No society is civilized when it drops it’s protective force for the young and vulnerable. We are now a society that registers horror over the natural predatory nature of cats but congratulates itself on the termination of wee humans.

When children are openly treated as objects by their own mothers we are all lost at sea.

…our hearts as empty as our words.